I’m not going to lie, the past week has been R.O.U.G.H.
Henry was sick a few weeks ago. He had an inner and outer ear infection, some kind of lung infection and a terrible cough. Well last week he so graciously passed on his illness to the rest of the family. For me it started Tuesday night, I started feeling sore in my arms and fingers like if I had been bench pressing the entire day. It took me a while to realize what was happening and by the time I had, it was too late. Wednesday and Thursday are a bit of a blur of fever, chills, tremors and sweats. Chris stayed home on Wednesday and Thursday to look after Freddy for which I’m so grateful because I couldn’t even see straight. I’d be lying in bed in a hoodie and sweatpants, blankets piled on top of me and just shivering. Keep in mind it was like 30 degrees outside at the time. Chris was under the weather on Thursday as well, though I don’t think as badly, or he’s more stoic than I am, which is most definitely a possibility. Chris will only admit he’s sick when he’s pretty much lying half dead on the floor. And then you’re left thinking “Wow, that came out of nowhere!!!” and he’ll say “no, I’ve felt sick for a week now, but just didn’t say anything”.
By Friday, I felt the worst had passed. I was on a steady diet of ibuprofen which seemed to control the fever and violent body shakes, which is good since I had both Henry and Freddy at home with me. My dad came over in the morning to help out a bit which was really appreciated. Henry by then was climbing the walls because he wanted to do stuff and I could barely muster energy to play. We did go to the park but it took a lot out of all of us. Especially my dad who got to witness how wild Henry can act at the playground by basically leaning completely out of the play structure and taunting us by pretending to fall. Like I said, I felt the worst had passed, but then the cough developed.
One of those coughs that gets worse when you lie down, so it makes it almost impossible to sleep well. Mix that in with a baby who’s decided he no longer needs to sleep at night, and who has the same terrible cough and it’s a recipe for disaster.
side note here, I remember posting here about Freddy being a good sleeper. I knew I had jinxed myself the second I wrote it. For the past month now, Freddy has gone from waking up once a night, to every 90 minutes to 2 hours. And sometimes he decides “well, I’m up now” and wants to play at like 2am. My good sleeper is long gone. No matter how often he’s up at night, he’s pretty much always up for good at 5-5:30 am. Like he could be up at 4:45 for a feeding, come 5:30 he’ll wake up again. It’s super frustrating because he’s only up for max an hour and a half then goes back down, but by then, Henry is up.
So back to Saturday, both Freddy and Henry decided they were up for good at 4am. I was devastated since Freddy had been up so often that night. Chris took both boys downstairs so I could sleep some more. I’ll say this about Chris, he’s amazingly supportive with the boys and helping me get more sleep. Lately, most weekends, he’ll take them downstairs so I can catch up on an extra hour or two of sleep to make up for the terrible nights Freddy and I have been having. All day Saturday the boys were up. Henry napped for no more than 20 minutes as well as Freddy. Both Chris and I kept trying to get them to nap so that we could sleep as well but no dice. It was so frustrating. Combined with the coughing, it was just incredibly draining. We were to go to a birthday party on Saturday night but I had a bit of a meltdown as I was trying to get ready for the outing and Freddy is screaming his head off because he’s tired and Henry is running in circles around me and trying to tackle Freddy. I was losing my cool, so Chris told me to stay home and he’d take the boys to the party. I compromised and told him I’d keep Freddy, since he was sick and needed rest. All night Chris sent me pictures of Henry having a blast at this party and I was saddened to have missed it, but staying at home was almost a necessity even though Freddy only fell asleep at 8:30 that night.
That night was even worse than the one before. Freddy kept waking up and I kept waking up from my cough and it got to the point where I was so tired, I couldn’t sleep anymore. Like I was imagining things moving around in the room and I’d bolt upright in a half sleep panicking, thinking Freddy was somewhere in the sheets, convinced I could feel him moving around. Both boys woke up at 5:30 and Chris took them down so I could try and sleep. I kept trying to but was instead getting more and more delirious. Chris took Henry to a outdoor show in Carp while I kept Freddy home on Sunday afternoon and I had another breakdown. I just couldn’t stop crying. Freddy went down for a long nap but all I could do was cry about how tired and cruddy I was feeling. Chris came home and basically forced me to go to sleep. I don’t know what happened, but I just kind of shut down and slept like the dead for almost 4 straight hours. I had put some earplugs in and didn’t hear a thing. I didn’t even know that Chris’ parents had been visiting for almost an hour when Chris came to wake me up at almost 3pm. I woke up so disoriented but felt better. I felt like I had control of my mental faculties again. The cough is still around but I can manage that now.
I have to say, I’m not sure what I would have done without Chris this past weekend. Parenthood can really test you. There are all these amazing moments with your kids, but then you have completely shitty weeks like this past one where you feel all alone and hopeless. Chris was my anchor this past weekend and took control over a situation where I had obviously lost control myself. I am so grateful for those extra hours of rehabilitative sleep and him pretty much being the sole parent this weekend while I licked my wounds. I feel stronger now. I don’t think I could have survived this past weekend without him.
So, I hope this post hasn’t scared people off too much from having kids. Like I said, there are a ton of amazing, wonderful moments in being a parent, and I know this past week will fade into nothing in my memory, that these sleepless nights are just a drop in a giant pond. It’s just that right now those drops are causing giant ripples. Perhaps it’s time to start sleep training?