From Bean to Sprout

a first time mom's forray into parenthood

Empath Baby July 29, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — frombeantosprout @ 8:54 pm

My little Freddy is quite the sensitive soul. He hates when people are upset, it just gets to him. I’m starting to suspect that he’s half Betazoid like Deanna Troi (yeah, I went there with the Star Trek TNG reference…).  Most people who see someone cry will think “wow, poor so and so, whatever they’re going through must be tough”. Freddy just starts crying himself. Now this wouldn’t be a bit deal if I didn’t have a toddler who cries at the drop of a hat. Literally, he will cry if his hat falls off sometimes. Or if there’s too much (or not enough) milk in his cheerios, or if Ginger is standing too close to him (or not close enough). You get my point. Now when Henry starts crying, I have two kids to deal with who are losing it. Luckily, Henry can turn off the tears just as quickly as he turned them on, but my little sensitive Freddy takes a bit longer. So when Henry starts to lose it, I turn to Freddy right away saying “it’s ok little fellah, he’s not really sad, he’s just upset” while I watch that little lower lip of his start to quiver. That’s when I start pleading with him to not start crying. I lose that plea about 98% of the time.

At the same time, I kind of like the idea that my little guy cares so much for his older brother, that he shares his ups and downs. He’ll stare at him for really long periods of time, just smiling. I can’t wait until they can interact more and play. Henry can’t wait either. Now there are no pictures in this post of Freddy actually crying, I usually don’t have time to run for my camera with both boys losing it.

I may cry when people are sad, but that also means I smile when people are happy.

I may cry when people are sad, but that also means I smile when people are happy.

This is his "Say Whaaaaa?" expression

This is his “Say Whaaaaa?” expression

 

You want me to reach all the way there to get my toy... Geez, what is this? Boot Camp?

You want me to reach all the way there to get my toy… Geez, what is this? Boot Camp?

 

These hands are awesome, I can grab stuff with them, eat them, clap with them...did I mention eat them?

These hands are awesome, I can grab stuff with them, eat them, clap with them…did I mention eat them?

We have the most patient dog in the world

We have the most patient dog in the world

 

 

 

 

 

All We Need Is A Little Patience

Filed under: Uncategorized — frombeantosprout @ 8:32 pm

Today I found myself getting very frustrated with Henry. He wasn’t listening, was running around trying to hit the cats and I was losing my cool and almost yelled out “You’re a big brother now, you can’t behave like this!” Before the words left my mouth though, I had a moment of pause and stopped myself. I realized in that moment that I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on Henry to grow up, be more mature, listen and be a logical and rational being, and then realizing he’s only 2.

Before Freddy was born, I think I had a lot more patience for this type of behavior but someone with his birth, some part deep down inside of me thought “Well Henry’s not a baby anymore, since Freddy is the baby now” and again, that’s not fair to Henry. He’s at such an important age developmentally. His brain and body are going 100 km/h, he’s learning a bunch of stuff daily. Why should I put the added pressure of expecting some type of adult like behaviour on top of that?

I looked at him after having this thought and realized, yes he might be 2, but he’s still my baby as well. He needs me to be patient and understanding of what he’s going through. He can’t communicate everything he’s feeling now so I have to up my effort in trying to help him express what he’s feeling. Sure there will still be plently of time outs and me losing my cool occasionally, but I have to try for his sake to remain calm.

Deep Breath….

This is my attempt at a modeling career pose...

This is my attempt at a modeling career pose… but I’m also kind of mad at you.

Now I'm definitely mad because you're forcing me to show my potty training stickers when all I want to do is relax and watch the muppets on the ipad you just took from me.

Now I’m definitely mad because you’re forcing me to show my potty training stickers when all I want to do is relax and watch the muppets on the ipad you just took from me.

 

One of Henry's very rare standing still moments at the park.

One of Henry’s very rare standing still moments at the park.

 

This toy has been a godsend for distracting Henry when he gets worked up. It's basically a rocket that he steps on and it goes flying. He loves it.

This toy has been a godsend for distracting Henry when he gets worked up. It’s basically a rocket that he steps on and it goes flying. He loves it.

 

Stuff's about to get KRAZY in here...

Stuff’s about to get KRAZY in here…

Henry: Look Mama, I can totally take care of him, why don't you guys go out for dinner or something? Freddy: For the love of God, help me.

Henry: Look Mama, I can totally take care of him, why don’t you guys go out for dinner or something?
Freddy: For the love of God, help me.

 

Did you know I can get an awesome sound out of Freddy's head? What? Why are you yelling at me?

Did you know I can get an awesome sound out of Freddy’s head? What? Why are you yelling at me?

 

 

Alright, I won't drum on his head, I'll just hold him and squeeze him and call him George

Alright, I won’t drum on his head, I’ll just hold him and squeeze him and call him George

 

When all else fails, let toddler run off leash with Ginger to burn off all that extra energy.

When all else fails, let toddler run off leash with Ginger to burn off all that extra energy.

 

 

 

Here Fishy Fishy July 21, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — frombeantosprout @ 9:59 am

This summer, Henry has developed a true joy in swimming. He’s really living up to his aquarius zodiac sign. He just wants to keep swimming and swimming. He loves it so much, he’d rather slowly die of hypothermia then get out of the pool.

Every Saturday he has swim lessons but I brought him a week ago to my mom’s. I thought he would be hesitant about swimming with me but he just jumped in. A few times he was ahead of me and I had to scramble to catch him in time. I’ll admit, he made it under the water once or twice. Also, I learned that we really need to keep his toenails trimmed since he uses them as grips and claws into your stomach as you hold him in the pool.

I haven’t brought Freddy swimming yet. Maybe when  the water is a bit warmer. I look forward to seeing them both swim in the ocean when we go to Mexico in January. I feel like Henry will pretty much come back completely water logged.

Tried to take a nice photo here but squirmy McSquirm wanted to get in the water ASAP.

Tried to take a nice photo here but squirmy McSquirm wanted to get in the water ASAP.

There's no slowly getting in the water when you have an eager toddler gunning to get in the water. I had to jump in myself.

There’s no slowly getting in the water when you have an eager toddler gunning to get in the water. I had to jump in myself.

One of the only shots where Henry isn't digging his feet into my abdomen.

One of the only shots where Henry isn’t digging his feet into my abdomen.

 

You can see the pure joy in his face here.

You can see the pure joy in his face here.

My sister was by the poolside the whole time taking care of these two:

Victoria smiling cutely while Freddy gives a "what are you looking at?" look

Victoria smiling cutely while Freddy gives a “what are you looking at?” look

Freddy was losing it at one point because Victoria had his toy. He's obsessed with this toy and the elephant wasn't cutting it.

Freddy was losing it at one point because Victoria had his toy. He’s obsessed with this toy and the elephant wasn’t cutting it.

Hi finally fell asleep once he got his toy back (you can see the tight grip he has on the toy ring while asleep)

Hi finally fell asleep once he got his toy back (you can see the tight grip he has on the toy ring while asleep)

Henry was giving a free ride to his brother and cousin at the end of the day.

Henry was giving a free ride to his brother and cousin at the end of the day.

 

 

 

 

Grateful For What I Have July 17, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — frombeantosprout @ 8:54 pm

Recently I’ve been asked quite a few times “Do you think you’ll try for a girl?”. I’ve thought a lot about this question and decided to address it here in this forum.

Not many people know this, but for the longest time, Chris and I didn’t think we’d ever have a child, let alone be blessed with two. I kept this “secret” for the longest time, but I feel comfortable now telling it. It took Chris and I 2.5 years to conceive Henry. Again, for a long time, I felt ashamed of this, like something was wrong with me. I had always wanted children and had always thought it would happen quickly and easily. Then the months started trickling by and I started panicking and sinking deeper and deeper into a depressed state. It was a pretty dark time for us. Every month I would hold my breath only to  be disappointed constantly. It didn’t help that after I stopped taking birth control pills, my whole reproductive system went crazy. I could go months without a period and would always think I was possibly pregnant but never was. I had zero control over the situation and for those who know me, I am a control freak. I would troll internet forums and try various combinations of vitamins, aids, etc and nothing.

Of course, it didn’t help during this time that everyone and their sisters (including mine and Chris’) were getting pregnant. Seeing people close to me experiencing pregnancy and then becoming parents was very difficult. A year into trying we went to a fertility specialist who wasn’t incredibly helpful. Again, I wanted results, I wanted a baby now, my whole body and soul was aching for a baby, so being told by the specialist that it could take longer for those who have PCOS (which I found out I had) was incredibly frustrating. I started working out like crazy after seeing the specialist since I heard it could kickstart your reproductive system. Also, a good friend of mine recommended I read a book called “Taking Charge Of Your Fertility” and it opened up a whole new world for me. I read it in a day and learned that I had not ovulated at all in the past year. The working out eventually did help kick start my reproductive system and thanks to the book I was able to chart my cycle, but still nothing was happening. I wanted that baby!

Not many people knew we were going through this. Only close family and a handful of my friends were aware of what we were going through. I formed a almost secret club with coworkers going through the same issue, they were my lifeline, my support. It felt so good being able to talk to people going through the same thing. But again, it was all on the down low. Infertility is such a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it or even think that it’s something that could happen to them. People would always ask me “when are you going to try for a baby?” It became easier lying and telling people that we weren’t ready rather than admit that we have been trying forever and get that sad pitying look from people.  I created this elaborate lie that I wanted to go on temporary duty overseas before having a child.

When I was eventually offered a TD overseas, I panicked. I was excited to go, but also worried that the pressure would be on when I returned from all these people who I had told I was waiting to have kids. Well, I went to Haiti for a month and fell in love with the country and came back wanting to adopt a child from there. I had come to terms with the fact that adoption might be our only option. As you all know, within 7 days of returning home, I was pregnant. It was an absolute shock. I feel like I can only attribute it to Chris and I being apart for a month. Kind of like how when soldiers come back from a war and all of a sudden there’s a surge in pregnancies. For those first 12 weeks I was a nervous wreck, convinced that something bad would happen. When Henry was born, he was perfect. Just perfect. We were so blessed with his presence.

When Henry turned a year old, Chris and I had a serious discussion about us having another child. I had always wanted many children. Chris and I agreed to try for a second but that if it didn’t work out, we would be grateful and happy to have Henry. We both anticipated that getting pregnant would be a long process again, or impossible. We didn’t know. 5 months later, I was pregnant again with Freddy.

So when people ask me if I want to try for a girl, I get a little upset. My two little boys are perfect to me. We almost didn’t have them, so I’m just so grateful for what we have. I love them so much…

And if I can give some advice to people out there, don’t push and ask married people constantly if they’re going to have children soon. They may have been trying for a long time and every time they’re asked that question, their heart breaks a little. And to those who have been trying without success, you’re not alone out there. I shouldn’t have kept this a secret for so long, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Know that there’s always an option out there, whether it be drugs, in vitro, adoption, etc. If you feel you’re going down that black hole of desperation and depression about your conceiving woes, feel free to talk to me about it. I know all about the ups and downs of trying to conceive.

my little guys

my little guys

 

3 Months In

Filed under: Uncategorized — frombeantosprout @ 8:22 pm

Well as of Monday, Freddy is 3 months old. He’s growing up to be quite the charmer. He loves flashing little hints of smiles to people and likes to watch you when he thinks you’re not looking (which would normally be creepy if he were a adult but is absolutely adorable as a baby).

He’s quite the chatter box as well. He’ll just babble on and on and on, like last night from 2 to 4 am. He just wanted to chat. It’s hard to stay mad at him since he seems so enthusiastic about life.

As for the rest of the family, I think we’re finally settling into a sort of routine. Freddy has more or less of a schedule, minus the crazy night last night and I feel more confident about parenting two children. Sure Henry is still testing us every second he gets but I’m starting to feel Chris and I have a better grip on this toddlerhood. It involves a lot of bribery, blackmail and threats but it’s working…

My days with both boys are getting better as well. I’m even venturing out into the real world these past few weeks. We’ve started music classes which Henry absolutely loves. We’ve been swimming and have even gone shopping. I still have to keep a solid grip on Henry to make sure he doesn’t go crazy, like trying to knock over shirt displays at The Children’s Place. Baby wearing has been a lifesaver of sorts for going out in public. Having my hands free to take care of Henry is a necessity.

Now I’m going to go knock on wood to make sure everything I’ve just written doesn’t crumble to ruins like it usually does. 🙂

Freddy a few hours old

Freddy a few hours old

Freddy at 3 months

Freddy at 3 months

My boys just chilling together, watching the ceiling fan spin round and round

My boys just chilling together, watching the ceiling fan spin round and round

Henry in a rare quiet moment.

Henry in a rare quiet moment.