So lately I’ve been flip flopping on a lot things. i juts can’t seem to decide what I want. For example, on Sunday, Chris casually mentioned “so when can I take the boys up to Travis’ hunting camp?” my immediate reaction was “over my dead body will you be taking my two innocent boys to a hunting camp!” and Chris replied “we won’t actually hunt, just explore nature.” My answer was still “no way”
Then Monday happened.
Monday was not Freddy’s best day. He freaked out pretty much all day (I would learn much later on that he was probably having major growing pains since he can no longer comfortably fit in his 3 month sleepers). Around midday, I found myself daydreaming about going on one of my friend Melanie’s spa weekends. If you don’t know Melanie, trust me, she is a spa getaway queen, her Facebook posts are enough to make one see green with envy. Anywho, as I was fantasizing about this hypothetical getaway, Chris walked in the room and I told him “So about that hunting camp trip… I’ve had a change of heart. As soon as Freddy isn’t nursing anymore, you can bring the boys up there…but you have to bring Ginger as well.” Well Chris saw right through my facade and told me “I’m not taking the boys away so that you can spend $1000 on a spa weekend” to which I replied “I’m sure I could get a better deal than that!” Alas, we were at an impass.
Anywho, that’s one example of how I’ve been contradicting myself. Here’s another. On Monday, closer to dinner time and during another one of Freddy’s freak outs, I confessed to Chris “I kind of wish he’d grow up a little already, and I don’t mean like 6 months old where he can start eating solids and sit up and stuff, but like be Henry’s age.” Much to my relief, Chris said he was feeling the same way. It was kind of like “We’ve been through all this before, we just want to enjoy our kids without this newborn stress or sleep deprivation”. Now before you think I’m a horrible parent for thinking this, rest assured, my wish for an older kid didn’t last very long. Yesterday Freddy started rolling around from his stomach to his back. He’s only 5 weeks old! It took Henry 2 months to start doing it. It wasn’t a fluke either, he’s done it several times since then. I got choked up when he started doing it, thinking “but he’s my baby! He can’t be doing this yet! I need more time!” and then I went off on a Jessi Spano, Saved by the Bell rant of “There’s never enough time, I’ll never get into Stanford!” (Sorry, whenever I complain that I don’t have enough time, that quote always comes up in my head and if I don’t vocalize it, it stays stuck in there for days. I’ve actually said it in meetings when we’re running out of time for a deadline, I can’t help it, it’s bigger than me guys, it’s bigger than all of us!)
So now I find myself wanting Freddy to age faster but stay young forever as well, but I guess all parents go through that.