Things I wasn’t prepared for with a toddler…
– Explaining random bruises to people who might suspect abuse. “Oh that? That’s from when he got stuck behind the toilet… well from the second time he got stuck behind the toilet”
– The Hulk like emotions. Honestly, I’m starting to think the Hulk was modeled after a toddler. No control whatsoever on his emotions, the rush of anger and rage at the smallest frustration. Henry lost it the other day because I didn’t put my shoes on fast enough. “Trust me mother, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”
– Explaining my random bruises “yeah, so this is from when we were outside and I told Henry it was time to go in and he got so mad he threw the watering can at me then tried to rip my cheek off”
– Having to keep a straight face when you kid loses it or tries to hurt you. Henry will get so determined when he’s “testing his boundaries” and I have to keep the stern “non…ça fait bobo ça” voice and face when in the back of my head I’m telling myself “don’t laugh, you lose all power if you laugh”
– Sand everywhere.
– Having to explain about a million times why he shouldn’t pull the plug protectors out and then jam his fingers in them… “that’s going to hurt A LOT buddy”
– What I call the “wiggle kid syndrome”. If my kid doesn’t want to be picked up, he does this thing where he twists his body and turns and turns until I have to put him back down or run the risk of dropping him on the floor. This is usually accompanied by the Hulk rage.
– The fluctuating hunger. Days where he can eat a whole cow (or to Chris’ dismay, all the cherries in the house) and days when he’s done after 6 peas.
– Having to clean stuff off of Henry’s tongue. He’ll come to me with food in his mouth that he’s not enjoying and make this “heh heh” noise while sticking his tongue out that means “mom, take this off my tongue”
– The mad dash sprints I now do about 6 to 12 times a day. Like Henry’s on the floor, I turn my back for two seconds, look back and he’s dancing a jig on the kitchen table.
My sister had some submissions of her own for her 3 1/2 year old that I thought I’d add:
Paint or crayon smudges everywhere!!! Including their bodies
Random stuff crammed into the CD players
No necklaces last longer than the day I buy it because he will somehow find it and break it. It could be hidden in a safe and he would find it.
They don’t understand that you can go to the store without having to buy them something. So you always have to run down aisles where there is something that could be mildly entertaining for them, so they don’t freak out when you don’t actually leave with it.